


Grapefruit 101

by Akartajay



Category: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms, The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
Genre: Bananas, Chocolate Syrup, Embarassment, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Food Kink, Food Porn, Food Sex, Fruit, Funny, Grapefruit, Graphic Description, Inappropriate Humor, Lemon, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Oral Sex, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Sexual Humor, YouTube, funny as hell, grapefruit technique, viral video
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-29
Packaged: 2018-11-20 21:28:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11343507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akartajay/pseuds/Akartajay
Summary: Ever heard of the Grapefruit Technique? If you're familiar with YouTube, then you probably have. Wouldn't it be funny if one of your favorite Zelda characters tried it on Link? Yep, Midna's gonna try the technique! Things will get quite...delicious. This should be interesting...Please read and review! *The lemon is implied.*





	Grapefruit 101

**Author's Note:**

> It turns out that I accidentally posted this story twice..so if you want to read the following chapters, look for the original story (same name, more chapters).

After lots of traveling through Hyrule and the Twilight realm, it only made sense that Link would grow tired and need a break. That's where his favorite place comes into play; Telma's bar.

Not only was Telma a nice woman, but the bar was enjoyable for Link, and sometimes for Midna. Link could get a break from traveling, as well as Midna's smart ass attitude since she was forced to stay in his shadow, and Midna, for the sake of not getting bored to death waiting for Link to finish his beverage, would often eavesdrop on the conversations of people. They were quite intriguing to Midna. People would have full stories, confess their problems, discuss secret affairs and so on. Perhaps she'd learn something useful from the conversations.

...

"Oh come on Link! We just went to Telma's bar two days ago!"

Link tried to ignore her complaining. He went through this every time he tried to go to Telma's. "Midna, what's your problem with the bar? You do this every time I try to take a rest."

"It's so boring for me! I just sit and wait for you while you talk to other people and take sooo damn looong!"

Link rolled his eyes and ignored her. Midna noticed that she was being ignored and decided to mess with him some more. "Link, do you go to the bar a lot just to see Telma? Do you like her or something?"

Link scoffed, but continued to ignore her. Midna began to sprout a mischievous grin.

"Perhaps you do have a little crush on her! Is that what it is link? Do you just wanna kiss her? Oh! I know! You want nothing more than to bury your face right in her b-"

"OKAY, enough Midna. I'll be as quick as possible, ok? Please..I just need a break. After all, I'm the one who's been running around Hyrule while you've been either on back or in my shadow. I'm tired."

"Uhhgg! Whatever." Midna finally stopped her protest.

...

They arrived at the bar, and went through Their usual procedures. Link was conversing with others sitting at the bar area, while Midna was sitting in his shadow, bored out of her mind. That was until two young ladies walked into the bar.

"OMG I can't believe you did that to him!"

"I know right! It was actually pretty fun!"

Midna was interested. She couldn't help but tune into their hysterical conversation.

"Okay, wait..how did you do this again?"

"Okay, so before he got home, I took a grapefruit and cut both ends of it off."

"Yea..and then what?" The girl asked, an eager and desperate tone in her voice.

"Okay, okay! Then I cut a hole in the middle of it.."

"How big was the hole?"

"What do you think? It was the same size of his dick!"

Midna raised and eyebrow. She was somehow even more interested in this conversation. She continued to listen in.

"Omg, only you would know the approximate size! You slut!" They were laughing hysterically.

"Okay, okay, so then...well, you know.." Her friend gave a mischievous smirk and raised her eyebrows.

"Know what? Wait...did you..?"

The girl nodded, a suggestive smile upon her face. The other girl placed a hand over her mouth and looked at her friend in disbelief.

"O.M.G. That's crazy, even for you!"

"I know, but it was fun, and he enjoyed it a lot so it was a win-win situation, right?"

"I suppose so." The girl sighed, shaking her head with a slight grin on her face.

Midna was floored. She hadn't heard a conversation like that at the bar, nor had she heard anything like THAT anywhere else. It was nasty...yet interesting. She had to try it...but on whom? Midna looked up towards Link, specifically at his nether region, then scolded herself for allowing such an idea to creep into her mind. However, Midna kept that technique in mind...perhaps it would be useful in the future.

...

A few days had passed since their last visit to the bar. Link and Midna were planning on leaving for the desert soon, so Link spent some time in Castle Town gathering food and water for their long trip. By the end of the day they had gathered plenty of provisions and were ready to go on their way the next morning. In an attempt to save rupees, link was planing on sleeping outside Castle town, but Midna wouldn't allow it. She called him cheap and nagged him until he finally went into castle town and found the cheapest inn they could get.

"Well geez Link, if you were gonna choose a place this ratchet, then we might as well have just slept in Hyrule field."

Link rolled his eyes. He was getting tired of her constant complaining, but he wouldn't let it get to him. They walked through the halls of the inn, found their room, and opened up the door. Midna then decided to mess with him some more.

"Damn Link! I knew you were cheap but this is ridiculous. You couldn't even pay for two beds? I know you have more rupees than that."

Link growled and walked into the room. He placed his stuff down at the side of the room, while Midna creeped up on him and whispered in his ear.

"I overheard your conversation with the lady at the desk. Based on what I heard, it would only cost you 30 more rupees to get another bed. So...you're either really cheap...or you're trying to do something 'strange' later tonig-"

Link's eyes went wide and his face instantly began to redden. "OKAY, Midna. I'm gonna go take a shower because you are getting in my very last nerve right now. So please...just leave me alone for 20 minutes...please." Link looked as if his eye would start twitching as he tried to tell Midna to leave him alone. Midna nodded at him, her face still held that mischievous smile that she wore so well.

Link went into the bathroom and almost slammed the door with an audible lock. Once again, Midna was bored. She sat and thought to herself. She thought about how hilarious and cute Link's reaction to her little accusation was a few minutes ago. She liked to mess with him, especially when it came to intimate affairs. Midna enjoyed poisoning his innocent mind with dirty jokes that would cause him to blush and snap at her. Her mind began to drift to a certain conversation she had overheard at Telma's bar. Then, Midna got a devious idea that caused a wicked smile to cross her face. She went rummaging through Link's stuff, specifically his food, in search of a particular fruit...

...

Link stood in the shower enjoying his time alone, enjoying the feeling of the hot water hitting and running down his sore back. He thought to himself about the treacherous path he would face tomorrow, as well as what had occurred today. He thought about Midna and how annoyed he had gotten from her quips throughout the day. He thought about all the humiliating jokes she had played on him throughout their journey and let out a low growl of frustration. He thought about that wicked smile she'd get when she saw humiliation spread across his face, in the form of an intense blush. He thought about her smile... that abordable smile.

The look of anger on his face softened. Link didn't hate Midna. She was just so unpredictable at times that Link couldn't keep up. If anything, he liked Midna. He liked her attitude, her cleverness, and sometimes, even her jokes. In fact, if he's truly honest with himself, he could see himself growing to like her even more. Link thought she was beautiful, even as an Imp. If anything, he really liked her Imp form. Perhaps it was because it was small and cute...or perhaps it was because of how voluptuous (cough*thicc af* cough) it made her look. Link couldn't help but stare at her beauty sometimes, letting his eyes wonder down across her small body, too her hips, hoping she would turn around and- link stopped his shameful thoughts in fear that he would look down and see- oh wait, too late.

Link sighed at his erection. This isn't the first time this had happened to him. He scolded himself for letting his thoughts about Midna lead him to this situation again, and decided that he'd better take care of it.

...

Meanwhile, Midna stood outside waiting for Link to get out of the shower. 'What the fuck is taking him so long?" She thought to herself.

Midna had already done what the girl at the bar had said. She found a grapefruit in Link's bag, cut off each navel, and cut a hole in the middle of the grapefruit. After these procedures, she had hidden all the evidence pertaining to her plan, and hid the grapefruit under the bed. She decided that she would be able to 'grapefruit' him in his sleep, knowing that he was a very heavy sleeper. She would have to be sneaky about it; her area of expertise.

She grew impatient, but had no choice but to wait. She hoped that Link wouldn't hate her afterwards. Hopefully he'd enjoy it..

...

Link let out a loud grunt as he came all over the shower wall. He quickly cleaned up his mess and exited the shower. He dried off and put on a pair of boxers. He remembered that he had to share a bed and thought it would be a bit in appropriate to wear only underwear, especially with what had just occurred in the shower..

He looked outside the bathroom quickly to see that Midna was already asleep in bed (or so he thought). He decided that since she was already asleep, it would be okay to sleep in his underwear this time.

He exited the bathroom and sat at the bedside. He turned off the lamp and finally laid in the comfortable bed, beginning to become thankful for Midna's nagging. If it wasn't for her, he'd be out in Hyrule field sleeping in a patch of grass under a tree in the cold. Exhaustion finally took over his body as he drifted off into a deep sleep.

Now, it was time. A tingling feeling of excitement shot up her spine as Midna slowly exited the bed, careful not to wake Link. She reached under the bed and grabbed the grapefruit, thankful that he hadn't smelled the citrus in the air and grew suspicious.

Now came the hard part. Getting him hard without waking him. Midna carefully pulled the sheets off of Link in a painfully slow manner, making sure he didn't stir. Her plan became much easier when she noticed how little clothing he wore. However, her plan was also deterred as she wasted a good 2 minutes starting at his muscular physique with childlike wonder in her eyes. She reached out to touch him, but instantly stopped herself, remembering that her touch could possibly wake him from his slumber and ruin her plan. Midna began to think of ways to get link erect without waking him. She didn't wanna go with a direct approach like stoking him, so she decided to use a technique that would mimic sex pretty well.

Midna sat on Link's groin, straddling him with her short legs. She began to grind on him as best she could making sure to move in a smooth rhythm that was not rough enough to wake him up, but effective enough to get him hard.

After a while, she could tell that her efforts were working. Link let out a low groan as a look of satisfaction flooded his face and a small smile began to tug at his lips. Midna could also tell it was working due to the hardness she felt poking at her neither regions. She gently got off of his groin to gaze at what she had achieved. She watched the tent form in his boxers, a mesmerizing sight for her indeed. She marveled at how large the bulge had grown and began to grow eager at the idea of getting it out of Link's underwear.

When she was sure it was safe, Midna gently removed the boxers, uncovering Link's manhood, inch by inch. When it was finally uncovered she noticed that there might be a problem. She feared that the grapefruit would be too tight for one as thick as he. She marveled at his exposed length, enjoying the sight of Link in such a lewd, sexy state. She suddenly lost track of what she was doing and began to imagine herself thrashing in ecstasy underneath Link as he pounded into her with that large co- she snapped back to reality and realized that she was on a mission.

She searched for the grapefruit in the dark and found it on the bedside. She then decided that it would be too direct to just begin the grapefruit 'technique' without any other preparation. Perhaps this would be a chance to get a taste of Link's enticing man meat..

A devious smile flooded Midna's face once more. She gazed at Link's member with hungry eyes as her mouth began to water. She began to move closer and closer to his length, until she closed her mouth around the very tip. She immediately looked at Link's face, making sure that he hadn't woken up. When she was sure that it was safe to continue, she began to take more of him into her warm, wet mouth, hearing him moan out in his sleep. She enjoyed having this amount of control over him, as much as she enjoyed the manly taste of Link's cock. He continued to let out soft, sexy moans as Midna began to slowly bob her head up and down his shaft. Suddenly she heard something that struck fear into her and caused her heart to beat faster, anxiety causing her to immediately stop her actions.

"Midna..." Link moaned. Midna feared that he had woken up and seen what she had been up to, however she noticed that he was still asleep. Was he moaning her name for a reason? Perhaps he's having a particular dream.. Midna continued her actions when it happened again.

"Mmm...Midna..." Link moaned again, even more audible this time. This time she was certain that he was fantasizing...about her! This time, she was the one to blush as she realized the situation at play. Did he really have such wanton feelings for her?

Midna continued to bob her head up and down his shaft until she got a slight salty taste in her mouth. This was her signal to stop what she was doing so that he wouldn't finish before the main event.

Midna pulled away from him, causing a slight look of worry to cross Link's face as he let out a small whimper. She giggled at how desperate he was for her and grabbed her secret weapon: the grapefruit. Although the girls at the bar didn't go into detail about what happened next, Midna had an idea as to what was supposed to occur.

Midna placed the grapefruit's center hole above Link's manhood and plunged it down around it. It was a tight fit, but with a little bit of twisting, Midna was able to get the grapefruit all the way down to the base of link's cock.

Link let out a loud groan as the tight citrus fruit hugged his manhood. "Ah...Midna...so tight.." he moaned, causing Midna to blush.

Midna chuckled as she got another idea. She got on his waist again, straddling him with her legs again, as close to his cock as possible. She grabbed the grapefruit again and began to twist it up and down the lower part of his shaft. She made up for what the grapefruit couldn't cover by wrapping her mouth around the rest of his exposed length and bobing her head up and down to match the motions of the grapefruit.

"Ahh...ohh..Midna..." Link still moaned her name as Midna began to grind her hips against him.

Midna was shocked when Link began to move his arms. She froze completely, fear welling up in her stomach as he moved his hands to her waist. He began to feel around until he gripped something..soft. Midna's eyes grew wide as he got a firm grip on her buttocks, a smile appearing on his face. Midna blushed at the contact. She blushed even more at what he said next.

"Oh Midna...you're so beautiful, I swear...and..." Link let out a small chuckle. "You have the most amazing ass..."

Midna was floored at what she had just heard. Never had she thought that Link would be the type to notice such a lewd prospect...but in a way, it turned Midna on even more.

She continued her grapefruiting with more intensity and grinded her hips against his neither region some more, and all the while link continued to whisper to Midna and let out sexy groans that encouraged Midna to keep up her work. Link also continued to grab at Midna's rear and move her hips in rhythm with her grapefruiting and head-bobbing. He even gave Midna's ass an audible smack while wearing a wide smirk on his face that made Midna moan out loud and giggle some more. Along with the sweet taste of grapefruit, Midna got that salty taste in her mouth once again. This time, she increased her sucking, grapefruiting, and grinding intensity.

"Ngh!...Damn Midna...I'm gonna cum..!" Midna could tell by the taste in her mouth, as well as by the look of intensity on Link's face.

It wasn't long before Midna's mouth was flooded with hot semen; too much for her to swallow. The rest dribbled down from her mouth and coated her upper body.

She let out a small giggle and wiped herself clean with the bed sheets. She was astounded to see that Link was still asleep! 'Now that's unatural...how could someone sleep through all of that?' Midna thought to herself. Midna began to reach for the grapefruit to clean up the mess she'd made, but stopped. She had a better, more hilarious idea...

...

The sun shone brightly through the windowsill and demanded that Link opened his eyes. He fought against his heavy eyelids in an attempt to open them. Once he was finally awake he sat up and stretched. He then proceeded to remove the sheets from his torso, only to feel that they were a bit sticky..

'What the hell?' Link thought to himself. The sheets were stuck to him and they smelled very odd. Link pryed them off of him to see a crusty white substance that seemed to coat his lower body. He let out an audible gasp as he uncovered his midsection to see that his dick was not only completely outside of his underwear, but that there was fucking fruit on it.

"What the fuck!?" Link was mortified and confused. He was trying to remember what happened the night before, but he definitely did not remember 'playing' with fruit. "MIDNA!!" He yelled in a fit of rage and confusion.

"I'M IN THE BATHROOM! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Midna yelled back, trying to stifle a laugh. She knew how confused he must have been and was tempted to go out there to see the hilarious look on his face, but she was curious to see if something else would happen..

Link growled at Midna's answer. He was sure that she had something to do with this. He began to think of all the possible scenarios that would lead to this weird ass situation. He was almost convinced that Midna had drugged him last night somehow, but began to wonder how she would perform such an act. Well, she was pretty crafty...and sneaky..so it was a possibility.

As Link thought about what could have possibly happened last night, he remembered something that brought a deep shade of red to his cheeks. His eyes grew wide as he remembered that dream he had. He began to panic, wondering if Midna had somehow known about it. Had she heard him? Had he scared her in any way? Did he act on it...?

He decided that it was inappropriate to still be thinking about this. He proceeded to pull the grapefruit off of his member. As he slid it up and over his cock, he couldn't help but marvel at the sensation that emulated through his body.

'Holy shit...' he thought to himself. Link proceeded to bring it back down to the base of his manhood, shivering at the feeling. He knew it was wrong and weird as fuck, but he didn't really care at the moment. He looked up to see if Midna was still in the bathroom. The door was locked, and he heard the shower running. This was the green light to continue.

He began to move the grapefruit up and down his shaft, enjoying the tight fit. He was amazed at how good this simple fruit could feel. It was soft and still quite warm from the night before, and it felt amazing. He would almost compare the feeling to sex, however, he was still a virgin.

He continued to pleasure himself with the grapefruit, increasing his pace and intensity. Had he been doing this all night? Perhaps that was the sticky substance that coated his body that morning. Perhaps he had been acting on his desire for Midna last night, in this way...Midna.

"Midna..." The name made his heart flutter. He began to remember that dream..how real it felt. He remembered confessing his feelings to her and moaning out her name. He remembered her, grinding on him ...how amazingly real it felt when she finally plunged down on his co-

"LINK!?"

Link froze in his actions, searching for an explanation. He was so caught up in pleasure, that he did not even hear the shower stop running. He sat there, frozen in terror, while Midna's fake look of shock, turned into that wide mischievous grin that she wore so well.

"Hehe..so Link, you found a new favorite fruit, I see. I knew you didn't get a lot of action..but fucking fruit? Really Link?" She giggled at the look of embarrassment and humiliation on his face.

Link was embarrassed beyond belief. Midna had caught him masturbating with a damn grapefruit. He'd never live this down. She walked over to him slowly, still smiling like a mad woman, trying to stifle her laughter.

"Is this what you were up to all night? I thought I heard something from your side of the bed, but I didn't know you would even think to- well you know..." She looked at him and shook her head slightly in disapproval.

"But I- I don't even remember getting a- I umm...I...fuck." Link knew he couldn't explain himself. He couldn't explain what he had just done. Midna leaned in closer to his ear and began to whisper.

"You know, I heard what you were saying last night...and I must say that I am flattered at how 'tight' you think I am..." Links eyes widened in complete embarrassment.

'Should I just run away? I can't explain myself and I'll never live this down.' Link thought to himself. Midna continued to whisper in his ear.

"I'm also flattered that you think that I have the most amazing ass.." Midna giggled at Link, but he had had it.

Link decided to book it. He got up off the bed and dashed towards the restroom, not even stopping to pull up his pants. Midna laughed out hysterically as he ran away naked.

"Hahaha!! You have an amazing ass too Link!!" She teased. "And the Master Sword ain't half bad either!"

He went into the bathroom and slammed the door with an audible lock. Midna's plan to embarrass him was successful and man, was it funny as hell. Midna sat out side laughing out loud like a mad woman, while link was in the bathroom, contemplating life. He was intent on staying in that bathroom for the rest of his life... but of course he couldn't do that. He was so embarrassed and hurt. He thought about all of the jokes that Midna would make for the weeks to come, how she would tease and humiliate him over this for the rest of their quest. 'I'm fucked,' he thought to himself.

He let out a sigh and buried his hands in his face. He thought to himself some more. How could a grapefruit feel so amazing? He thought about all the years he had been 'taking care' of himself and about how long he had been waiting for the time he'd loose his virginity. He was sure that the grapefruit was pretty damn close to the feeling of sex. A humorous, yet accurate idea popped in his head, causing him to let out a small chuckle. 'Damn...I could have been fucking a grapefruit all these years.'

**Author's Note:**

> Well...Link got fruit raped.. Will he retaliate? Find out in the next chapter! (See other story mentioned in the first set of notes! ^)


End file.
